So many of my anorexic clients tell me that they spend much of their day counting calories, measuring food, planning the perfect meal, exercising, making lists of weight loss goals and accomplishments. When I ask them what all of this time and focus is preventing them from enjoying, often the response is quite sad: "I don't know what I enjoy."
Many will say that they are known for being the "skinny girl," "the one who never eats," the "exercise queen" or the "weight loss guru." Their identity is contingent on eating disordered goals and accomplishments. Unfortunately, the eating disorder has become their sole focus. It has taken them from friends, family and previously enjoyed activities and has become their identity. Honestly, it is not much different from the grips of drug addiction or the isolation of an abusive relationship.
In working with my clients, it is important for each and every individual to learn to recognize their unique traits that make them beautiful and special — not their physical traits, but their qualities, morals, and the way in which they view and experience the world. Eating disordered individuals oftentimes are some of the most caring, hard working individuals one could possibly imagine. When asked what qualities they look for in a friend, they describe themselves without recognizing their own value.
Finding one's passion is no easy task but it is one of the most exciting parts of recovery! Helping a client to try new activities, to start school, get a part-time job, volunteer their time and to experience the sense of joy and accomplishment that goes along with this, is a door into knowing and loving oneself.
Exploring the underlying issues that have contributed to a lack of self worth and confidence is a critical part of the therapeutic process. As clients are challenged to improve their eating habits, they must simultaneously be challenged to live life, take calculated risks and to try new things while learning from mistakes along the way.
Steps to Find Out Who You Are Without Your Eating Disorder
- 1
Ask yourself what you enjoyed or wanted to try before your eating disorder took charge. Did you enjoy crafts, photography, writing blogs? Did you have a desire to learn how to dance or ride horses? Make a list of old and potential new activities.
- 2
Try something new even if you are not sure you will like it. We learn what we love by discovering what we don't love. The experience is valuable no matter what the outcome!
- 3
Enlist the support of a friend or a loved one. If you are afraid of going it alone, don't! Invite someone to try your new activity with you.
- 4
Make sure that your activity is not focused on weight loss, burning calories or improving your appearances. The eating disorder can be sneaky. Watch out for a hidden agenda!
- 5
Be patient. It takes time to build new skills and to feel comfortable doing new things. No judgment allowed! Focus on the process of learning and enjoying versus the outcome. Don't allow your critic to live rent free in your head.
Lastly, know that you are precious just because you are you!